Batman Begins

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Post by ShyViolet » March 11th, 2007, 10:08 pm

Cool trivia for Batman '89!! :)


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Batman (1989)
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* Adam West (the star of the TV series _"Batman" (1966/II)_ ) wanted to play Batman, but Michael Keaton was given the role after getting the nod from 'Bob Kane' , the creator of the original Batman comic strip.


* Sean Young was originally cast as Vicki Vale, but broke her collarbone while filming a horse-riding scene with Michael Keaton. The scene was subsequently written out of the script.

* Tim Burton wanted Michelle Pfeiffer as Vicki Vale.

* Willem Dafoe, David Bowie, John Lithgow and James Woods were considered the Joker.

* The face of the Joker was initially inspired to Bob Kane and Jerry Robinson by Conrad Veidt as "The Man Who Laughs" (1928).

* Set designer Anton Furst deliberately mixed clashing architectural styles to make Gotham City the ugliest and bleakest metropolis imaginable.

* Michael Keaton worked out for two months to prepare for the role, and learned kickboxing from his stunt double, David Lea. Keaton performed most of the fights himself, and one of the few scenes in which Lea stood in for him is during the fight in the alley with the swordsman.

* Director Tim Burton and Michael Keaton did a lot of re-writing during production. The most notable re-write is the opening scene in which Batman says, "I'm Batman." In the script Batman was to reply "I am the night." The other notable re-write is the showdown between Batman and the Joker.

* The first draft of this movie was written in 1980 by Superman (1978) co-writer Tom Mankiewicz and told the story of Batman's and Robin's origins. The villains were The Joker and The Penguin, and Rupert Thorne and Barbara Gordon were also to appear. At the end Robin was to appear in costume (much like Batman Forever (1995)). It was going to be released in 1985 with a budget of $20 million, but with producers Michael E. Uslan and Benjamin Melniker booted off the production, the project was shelved until 'Jon Peters (I)' and Peter Guber picked it up. In 1985, after the surprise success of Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985), the studio offered the job to Tim Burton. Unsatisfied with the Mankiewicz script, Burton and his then girlfriend Julie Hickson wrote a 30-page treatment of the project. This treatment was approved by both the producers and studio. In 1986 Burton met Sam Hamm, who had just received a two-year contract with WB, and gave him the job of writing a screenplay based on Burton's and Hickson's treatment. However, the writing process stretched too long and Hamm couldn't write further drafts of the script because of the writers strike. In his place, Burton got Beetle Juice (1988) co-writer Warren Skaaren to continue writing. Nearly three years after working on the project Burton didn't get the film green-lit until the box-office result of Beetle Juice. Batman (1989) began filming in October and it only took 12 weeks to shoot.

* It made an estimated additional $750 million in merchandising alone.

* Ricky Addison Reed was cast as Robin when the character was part of an earlier story treatment. Robin was eventually dropped, and Reed lost the role.

* The plastic surgeon's weird surgical tools are originally from another Warner Brothers production, Little Shop of Horrors (1986). They were the dentist tools owned by Orin Scrivello.

* The Batman costume weighed 70 lbs.

* The Batman symbol on the costume in this film is slightly different than the version seen in the comic books. It has two extra "points" on the bottom of the black bat emblem. However, the teaser poster and other such promotional materials for the film depict the logo just as it appears in the comics, for copyright purposes (because that specific look for the logo is what DC comics had copyrighted). The Batman costume was slightly modified for Batman Returns (1992) and sported the comic version of the symbol.

* At one point during pre-production, director Tim Burton wanted to turn Frank Miller's 1986 comic "The Dark Knight Returns" into the new movie. However, Warner Bros. wanted to introduce the "dark" Batman before having a movie about his last days as a crime fighter. Not to mention that a DKR movie would be about four hours long.

* Corto Maltese (where Vicki had been taking pictures) is the name of a popular European comic character, starring in the adventure comic books of Italian Hugo Pratt.

* Heavy security surrounded The Joker's makeup.

* The throne that the Joker sits on when he spreads money over the citizens of Gotham is a copy of the "Silver Throne", the Royal Throne of Sweden which the King of Sweden used until 1974 at the opening of the Swedish Parliament. The replica was made for the film Queen Christina (1933).

* Tim Curry was an original choice to play the Joker.

* Ray Liotta was reportedly Tim Burton's first choice for the Joker, and then for the character of Harvey Dent (later to become Two Face), but he turned down both due to his commitment to make Goodfellas (1990).

* Robin Williams was considered for the role of The Joker; he would later be considered for The Riddler as well. Jack Nicholson got the role of The Joker but demanded top-billing and a lucrative deal that gave him royalties on all merchandise.

* Billy Dee Williams appears as Harvey Dent, who in the comics became Two-Face. Williams took the role with the expectation that he would be brought back to play Two-Face and reportedly had a contract clause added reserving the role for him. During casting for Batman Forever (1995) Warner Bros. decided they would prefer Tommy Lee Jones and bought out Williams' contract.

* It is claimed that Adam West was offered a cameo as Bruce Wayne's father but turned it down, though West denies being offered the part.

* This was the first film to ever get a "12" rating in Great Britain. The rating was created to prevent young children from seeing the film. It had been in place up until 2002, where it was updated to "12A" for the live-action Spider-Man (2002) movie.

* Kim Basinger is only a few inches shorter than Michael Keaton. To make Keaton appear taller, she wears flat heels or is in stocking feet in all the scenes in which they are standing next to each other.

* Alec Baldwin, 'Charlie Sheen' , Bill Murray, Pierce Brosnan and Tom Selleck were considered for the role of Bruce Wayne/Batman.

* Mel Gibson was the original choice for Bruce Wayne/Batman but was forced to turn down the role due to his commitment with Lethal Weapon 2 (1989).

* In the Globe office, a reporter hands Knox a drawing of a bat dressed like a man, poking fun at his belief in Batman. The drawing is signed "'Bob Kane' - the creator of Batman".

* Alfred's story of how Bruce sprained his ankle while horseback-riding is a reference to Sean Young's accident when she was preparing for the film. It also refers to a deleted scene from the script which had Bruce on horseback chasing the Joker.

* Martin Landau turned down the role of Carl Grissom.

* Michael Jackson was asked to write and perform the songs for the movie, but he had to turn it down due to his concert commitments.

* The producers wanted John Williams to write the score, but he had to turn it down due to his commitment to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989).

* The studio offered Joel Coen and Ethan Coen the director's chair, before Tim Burton got the job.

* Jack Nicholson received a percentage of the gross on the film, and due to its massive box-office took home around $60 million. As of 2003 it is still the single-movie record for actor's salary.

* The flag of Gotham City closely resembles the state flag of Indiana. It can be seen briefly in Harvey Dent's office.

* When the Tom Mankiewicz script was in development, the directors associated with the project included Joe Dante and Ivan Reitman. Producers wanted an unknown to play Batman and the cast wish-list included William Holden as Commissioner Gordon and David Niven as Alfred, Bruce Wayne's faithful butler.

* The movie's "Vicki Vale" is actually based on 1970s Bruce Wayne girlfriend Silver St. Cloud, a name deemed too silly for a movie character. However, in the comics there was a character named Vicki Vale, who was a reporter and appeared in the comics throughout the '40s and '60s.

* The character of Alexander Knox (Robert Wuhl) was a character created for the movie. In the script the character was killed during the parade scene.

* In the original script, the paper Knox and Vicki worked for was the Gotham Gazette, not the Gotham Globe.

* The original script featured a bitter rivalry between Bruce Wayne and Knox over Vicki.

* In the original script, Bruce Wayne was described as a man with "muscles on top of muscles and scarred from nightly combat".

* When Alfred receives Vicki Vale's message a portrait of Thomas Wayne can be seen in the background.

* It has been reported that Tim Burton had an uncredited cameo as one of The Joker's goons in the Museum scene.

* In the original script with Robin included, the Flying Graysons (John, Mary, and Dick) are introduced at the parade scene. The Joker shoots the trapeze artists sending John and Mary to their deaths and leaving Dick to survive. Dick later becomes Robin in full costume at the end.

* For its first video release, the film was graded slightly lighter as cinema audiences had complained that it was filmed so darkly that they could hardly see what was going on.

* Anton Furst's designs for Gotham City were incorporated into the comics during the early '90s. The design was removed during the "No Man's Land" arc.

* In a newsroom scene, Vicki Vale and Alexander Knox examine a map of Gotham City which has been marked with Batman sightings. The map is actually a map of Vancouver, British Columbia.

* In order to combat negative rumors about the production, a theatrical trailer was hastily assembled to be distributed to theaters. To test its effectiveness, Warner Bros. executives showed it at a theater in Westwood, California to an unsuspecting audience. The ninety-second trailer received a standing ovation. Later, it would become a popular bootleg at comic book conventions, and theater owners would report patrons paying full price for movie tickets just to have an opportunity to see the trailer, and leaving before the feature began.

* The Batmobile was built on the chassis of a Chevy Impala.

* Corto Maltese is also an island country in Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns, one of Tim Burton's inspirations for Batman.

* According to a Playboy interview with Robin Williams, Jack Nicholson was offered the role of The Joker first. When Nicholson kept delaying his answer, Williams was offered the role. The producers immediately turned around and informed Nicholson that Williams was considering the offer, and Nicholson accepted. Williams has remained bitter about being "used as bait". See trivia for Batman Forever (1995).

* The design of Gotham City is based on the work of architects Antoni Gaudi, Otto Wagner, Shia Takamatsu and Louis H. Sullivan.

* Executive producers Benjamin Melniker and Michael E. Uslan sued Warner Brothers for forcing them into accepting a net profit agreement rather than the gross profit one that was set up for other parties like Jack Nicholson. Warners then claimed that, although Batman (1989) at the time was the 5th biggest grossing film ever, it was still technically in the red, and offered the two producers a $1 million out-of-court settlement. They naturally rejected this.

* The painting that the Joker spares during his vandalism spree is Francis Bacon's "Figure with Meat."

* During filming, a young Tim Burton was having trouble shooting a scene with Jack Palance. An irritated Palance asked Burton, "I've made more than a hundred films, how many have you made?" Burton said, years later, that it was a "whiteout" experience he would never forget.

* A scene was cut from the parade sequence where the crowd discovered that all the money that the Joker was handing out was counterfeit. In a follow-up to the Joker's earlier line that he wanted "My face on the one-dollar bill," all the dollar bills that were thrown to the crowd had the Joker's picture in place of George Washington's.

* When the production design team arrived at Pinewood Studios in England to build the sets, they discovered the atmosphere processor set from Aliens (1986) in one of the sound stages, with most of the Aliens' nest and eggs still intact.

* On-screen body count: 56

* The Joker's line "Take thy beak from out my heart" (said at Vale's apartment) is from Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven". The full line is 'Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' (the "beak" being of the raven)

* The theatrical trailer for Batman includes not only sequences presented without music, but there are also some alternate takes used in the trailer that were not used in the movie. Specifically: (1) The Joker shoots his television after saying "I have given a name to my pain." Nicholson loads his gun while speaking this line - in the film, he reveals the gun after speaking the line, and the explosion is also a different take. A wide shot was used in the finished film, but in the trailer, a close-up is used for Nicholson's line. (2) Michael Keaton's line "My life is really...complex" is shown here as a close-up which is a different take than the one used in the film. Additionally, in the movie, the take used is from a different camera position. (3) Robert Wuhl is seen asking the question, "Lieutenant, is there a six foot bat in Gotham City?" In the movie, a different take was used, with different things occurring in the background. Regarding this trailer, on the special edition DVD, Warner Bros. has removed the final screen card which originally indicated the film's release date in North America: June 23 (1989).

>>> WARNING: Here Be Spoilers <<<

Trivia items below here contain information that may give away important plot points. You may not want to read any further if you've not already seen this title.

* SPOILER: In the film Jack Napier aka The Joker is the murderer of Batman's parents. In the comics the murderer is a character named Joe Chill, and such is the plot in "Batman Begins".
Also, originally in Batman Returns, there were all these Happy Meal tie-ins with McDonald's, but they had to be canceled when McD's found out that the story had a lot of "adult" themes. :wink: (Gee, ya think? :D :roll:)

This cracked me up as well: :lol:
The crew had a hard time getting the shot where the monkey delivers the letter from Batman to the Penguin. Evidently, Danny DeVito's make-up terrified the animal.
You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

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Post by ShyViolet » March 13th, 2007, 3:52 am

Here's an interesting blurb from "K-punk" on his blog who loved Batman Begins: :)

Batman Begins is, without question, the best Batman film yet.

The competition isn't as fierce as it appears. Batman and Robin and Batman Forever are famously appalling, but Burton's two films do not live up to their vastly over-inflated reputations either. If you doubt that, just remember dweeby Michael Keaton's chin-rubbing Bruce Wayne... Jack Nicholson as the Joker, a performance of stupendous self-indulgence and sneering smugness even by his standards (his every gesture saying, look, folks, I'm way too good for this s***) ... and autistically wooden Kim Basinger as Vikki Vale ....

Danny Baker has rightly observed that 'dark' is now the laziest and most cliched term of approbation in contemporary cultural appreciation. Frank Miller is, as no-one can fail to know, the writer most often credited for turning comics 'dark', and it is Miller's whisky-soured version of Batman, not the Rauschenbergian Pop Art 1960s model, that is now the cliche that must be overcome.

batman_begins_final_int.jpg

Miller's legacy has been ambivalent at best. Reflect on the fact that his rise, like that of Alan Moore, coincides with the total failure of comics to produce any new characters with mythic resonance. Miller and Moore's 'maturity' corresponds with comics' depressive and introspective adolescence, and for them, as for all adolescents, the worst sin is exuberance. Hence their style is deflationary, taciturn: consider all those portentous pages, stripped of dialogue, in which barely anything happens, and contrast them with the crazed effervescence of the typical Marvel page in the 60s. Miller's pages have all the brooding silence of a moody fifteen-year old boy. Don't be in any doubt, people: the silence signifies.

M and M traded on a lack of confidence that had begun to cloud the medium and on a disingenuous male adolescent desire to both have comics and to feel superior to them. But their demythologization, inevitably, produced only a new mythology, one that poses as more sophisticated than the one it has displaced but is in fact an utterly predictable world of 'moral ambivalence' in which 'there are only shades of grey'. Read all those puff pieces on Sin City and weep. If I have to read ONE MORE Sin City review that starts like this: 'Thought comics were only about square-jawed super-types who wear their underwear outside their tights? Think again...' No, no, no: thanks to Miller and his ilk, when we think of comics now the associations that come to mind are raddled alcoholics, corrupt cops and crack whores. It's about time that Miller stopped being congratulated for bringing into comics a noir-lite cartoon nihilist bleakness that has long been a cliche in films and books. The 'darkness' of this vision is in fact curiously reassuring and comforting, and not only because of the sentimentality it can never extiripate. (Miller's 'hard-bitten' world reminds me not so much of noir, but of the simulation of noir in Potter's Singing Detective, the daydream-fantasies of a cheap hack, thick with misognyny and misanthropy and cooked in intense self-loathing.)

The idea that there is no Good is one of the central assumptions of what we might call Capitalist Realism. Capitalist Realism insists on the irredeemability of human beings, the impossibility of Justice, the inevitability of corruption ... It's hardly surprising that this model of realism came to the fore in comics at the time when Reaganomics and Thatcherism were presenting themselves as the only solutions to America and Britain's ills.

So it is gratifying that Batman Begins is not about 'shades of grey' at all, but rather shades of white. It is a film not about amorality and Evil, but Good. In many ways, it is the film that Zizek wanted Revenge of the Sith to be: a film, that is to say, which dares to hypothesize that Evil might result from an excess of Good.

Nolan has dispensed with Burton's psychotherapeutic Soap Oprahisms (Joker falls in a vat of acid, so immediately wants to take over zeee vooorld) in favour of a modern psychoanalysis that might have come out of the pages of Zupancic's Ethics of the Real.

There's just enough of the American Psycho in Bale's troubled performance as Bruce Wayne to give it a slightly disturbing quality. Wayne is haunted by an superfluity of fathers (and a near absence of mothers: I don't think that his mother says a word). First, there is Thomas Wayne, a rose-tinted, soft focus moral paragon, the very personification of philanthropic Capital, the 'man who built Gotham' (but not without building his own sim-Brit aristocratic pile outside the city limits too). The structural delusion here (and it is a delusion shared by our own glorious leaders) concerns the separating out of rampant crime from Capital, as if there were no causal link between the former and the latter.

And here's an excerpt from someone who wasn't quite as pleased with it.


REALLY interesting. :)

American Stranger

Saturday, June 25, 2005
Men in Tights pt. 2 (it's really all Batman)

"Batman Begins is, without question, the best Batman film yet." K-punk

Not at all. Which is not to say that Nolan's effort is completely ineffective, or that what he seems to want to do with the character is not, in it's own way, superior to Burton's high-camp horror movie flashback, but that it simply isn't as good. Burton's film was never really much of a superhero movie to begin with, structuring itself after a kind of Gothic, ghostly revenge urban myth-cum-media satire. The Joker, unrepentant sinner, is punished for the murder of Bruce Wayne's parents by Batman, portrayed by Burton as a macabre spirit of vengeance, born out of Wayne's impotence in the face of evil, a product of a collossal, thwarted (super)ego. In the process, he becomes as much of a 'freak' as Batman, though where Wayne/Batman is a repressed dual persona, the one haunted by the other, Joker is completely unhinged and uninhibited by his transformation (in what I see as a very appropriately self-absorbed performance by Nicholson), omnipresent through the force of the media, always eager to cash in on the next big lunatic. One of the most interesting aspects of the film is the media war that erupts between the two characters, where the Joker, much more in step with the politics and attitudes of the zeitgeist, comes out on top. It is, as was much said at the time, the Joker's transformation and climactic self-destruction that occupies the more central focus of the narrative. Batman is the ghostly other of retribution, haunting not only the Joker, but also Wayne and the entire city of Gotham. Batman's attitude is impersonal; it is self aggrandizement that he punishes above all else. If the figure of Batman himself seems excessive, he reasons that he must be to combat the unrepentant excess that surrounds him - Vicky Vale: "Isn't [what you do] a little crazy?" Batman: "It's a crazy world." The whole thing builds into a dizzying climax of apocalyptic excess, the people of Gotham literally dying with laughter while scrabbling for fake Joker dollars, Batman saving them from themselves in a bat-shaped military aircraft (though note that the plane is shaped like the bat-logo rather than like an actual bat - both adversaries have their own ways of creating a public persona). Very 1980s in its conclusions and approach, but also very much alive; a heady, manic vision that is a reflection both of the times and the director's personal obsessions.

In the new Batman, the character is rendered somewhat human, or at least, this is the attempt. More importantly, he is rendered heroic. The closeness that Burton evokes between Batman and the Joker, their difference stemming largely from the fact that "I made you. You made me first," is denied in favor of a thoroughly impersonal, non-retributive, transcendent 21st-century justice. This Batman is not a killer, making him truer to his current comic book portrayal. This is including Frank Miller's influential take, where Batman has a dogmatic ethical drive that many analyses, Mark K-punk's included, fail to mention, most choosing instead to view Miller's Batman as a fascist and his morality as nihilistic, an erroneous judgment that Miller nevertheless encourages. This attitude is summed up in the climactic scene on the disabled train, where Batman refuses to kill his adversary, Ra's Al Ghul (who hints at being ultimately responsible for the deaths of Wayne's parents - no film writer yet can bear to allow their murderer to be utterly anonymous and inconsequential - Everymurderer - though Goyer and Nolan come close, making the culprit merely an unwitting dupe of a larger conspiracy), letting him die instead. "I'm not going to kill you. But that doesn't mean I have to save you." The villain dies based on a technicality, certainly not from any desire Batman might have to kill the man responsible for his parents' death. What does this say about justice? It is based, not on God or some otherworldly Good, but on a version of social good, and the conclusion the film draws is that it must therefore be legally based: Law as Justice, Justice as Law. Personal responsibility is deferred to The Rules, regardless of individual desire, which is ok because the bad guy gets his anyway. Aside from vigilanteism (a term the film is vehemently opposed to), the only law Batman seems oblivous to is the law against destruction of public property (though there is plenty of precedent within the Laws of Hollywood Blockbusters). This is well in line with the other recent superhero films, where the vengeful desires of the heroes seem to just sort of happen on their own, without anyone having to sully themselves by making a decision that might contradict their own sense of justice (Spider-Man fighting the Green Goblin until he conveniently kills himself, for example) or suffering the consequences of their refusal to do so. By the end of the film, Batman has essentially become the Gotham PD's secret weapon, Lieutennant Gordon likening his addition to an "arms race." Batman has given up on revenge in order to become an instrument, one that isn't formally instated, but an instrument nonetheless.

What do you think? :)

(I tend to side more with the second column, although I still thought Begins was a cool film. :wink:)

(Wonder how Joker's craziness/evil will be portrayed in lieu of Bale's, "rational", and "heroic" Bruce Wayne. Maybe a more sociological "mentally ill criminal" take rather than the "reflection/doppelganger of Bruce Wayne" in Tim Burton's dark Gothic interpretation?)
You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

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Post by Ben » March 13th, 2007, 6:36 am

I'm looking forward to Dark Knight but did not think Begins was a great Batman film.

I don't think that film has been made yet. Nolan's film was close, but choppy editing and a finale that was plain, plain, plain boring and a weak villain didn't do it for me.

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Post by Meg » March 13th, 2007, 2:46 pm

Batman Begins is my favorite Batman film so far...My problem with it is it's almost 'too' realistic though.

(And yes, I'll admit it - I liked Batman and Robin. It was so goofy and comic-booky that I find the whole thing to be a hilarious romp...Maybe it's just me but I get a kick out of bad, campy movies.)

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Post by ShyViolet » March 13th, 2007, 10:24 pm

I don't think that film has been made yet. Nolan's film was close, but choppy editing and a finale that was plain, plain, plain boring and a weak villain didn't do it for me.
Which one exactly? :)
"Ducard"

"Fake Ra's al Goul"

or Scarecrow?

I think it should only have been Scarecrow in the movie. :wink: Too many villains, too many red herrings! :roll: Scarecrow was the HEART of the story, all the fear, all the obsession, so where WAS he??? :(
(Was his stuff all deleted or something?)

Nolan did some amazing stuff with psychological war of the minds/obsession in Insomnia and The Prestige!! So disappointing that he didn't fully deliver here. :(

And yeah Meg, totally agree that even with its pros, it did come off as a bit "too" realistic.

We need some comic book razzel- dazzle, for crying out loud! :wink: :roll:
Maybe it's just me but I get a kick out of bad, campy movies.)
Nah, I do too Meg!! :)

Batman and Robin included!! :)

What would you say is the worst/best/funniest part?

:D
You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

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Post by Meg » March 14th, 2007, 2:52 pm

Scarecrow was the HEART of the story, all the fear, all the obsession, so where WAS he???
Nah - the biggest villain was Raz. Scarecrow just served as his pawn.

The villains didn't bother me at all in Begins - I think my biggest problem with it, though, was the romance. This is BATMAN, not Spider-Man! And the 'Batmobile' stunk, even though none of my family and freinds agree with me on that.

But again, I loved the film overall and can't wait to see the sequel! :D
What would you say is the worst/best/funniest part?
Ooh, hard to say. The many butt-shots come to mind, though...And you just gotta love the whole opening scene. (Good thing those suits come equipped with Bat-skates!)

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Post by Ben » March 14th, 2007, 6:26 pm

Alicia Silverstone as a Cabbage Patch Kid. "Awwe Uncle Alfred!" ;)

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Post by ShyViolet » March 15th, 2007, 2:00 am

Yeah great moments, and there's this one part where Freeze actually says "Get them! Get the heroes!" :? :roll: :roll:

Oh, I referred to the Agony Booth before, and they have this very long but HILARIOUS in-depth essay on Batman and Robin. I pasted some of it before, here's some more funny parts!!!! :D

(by Albert Walker, who runs the site)

Eventually, Robin utters the first line of dialogue in the movie, and fittingly, it's also one of the stupidest. "I want a car!" he says eagerly. Batman gives him a grumpy look, but Robin continues: "Chicks dig the car!" Granted, this is something a typical twenty-something might actually say, but on the other hand, we don't expect a typical twenty-something to fight crime as the sworn protector of a huge city.

Batman is then given an ever dumber line of dialogue when he turns to the camera [!] and says, "This is why Superman works alone." Oh, geez. Double geez.

First of all, nothing in the previous three Batman films even remotely hinted at the existence of other superheroes in this "world", let alone Superman. In fact, the events of those films would seem to indicate that Batman and Robin are the only superheroes there are. After all, you didn't see Green Lantern or the Flash stopping by when the Riddler was sucking out everybody's brains in Batman Forever. You'd think at least they'd have been like what's up, can you handle this, Batman? Okay, I can see you're all over it, my bad.

So this line not only contradicts this film's internal logic, but that of the three previous films, as well. Obviously, it was thrown in without much thought for the sole purpose of getting a cheap laugh, but it didn't even accomplish that much.
"Grab the gem!" Freeze screams to his Eskimo henchmen. "Kill the heroes!" (You know, I haven't heard a bad guy actually refer to his opponents as "heroes" since I watched episodes of The Superfriends.) About a dozen guys skate out, and we see they're all wearing your standard issue post-apocalyptic henchmen gear. (They must shop at the same store as Ragnar's goons in Never Too Young to Die.) They also carry hockey sticks and wear masks exactly like the one worn by Jason X.

Freeze yells, "Yes! Kill them! Kill them! Yes!" (I'm assuming this is because Manos has decreed it.) Then he helpfully commands his henchmen to "Destroy everything!" [?] as they surround Batman and Robin. Robin cleverly calls them "the hockey team from hell!" Wow, I hadn't even noticed the similarity before, but now that you mention it, hah hah!

Don't give up your day job, Robin. Whatever that is.


Yes, and it only gets stupider, folks.


Batman and Robin duke it out with the henchmen, while Freeze climbs some steps and fights with a half-dozen random security guards. Where did these guys suddenly come from? Were they all waiting for their cue to rush out and get beaten up? Is there usually a Green Room at every superhero fight?

Needless to say, each of these fights violate all three of Newton's laws of motion. Freeze throws a security guard, somehow managing to fling him in a perfectly straight line so that he slams into a nearby column. Meanwhile, Batman and Robin get knocked on their backs by two skater henchmen, but succeed in taking away their hockey sticks anyway as they dispose of the two goons.

Batman and Robin then each tap their boots together, causing ice skate blades to pop out of the soles [!!]. Unless the two of them had blades surgically implanted in their feet, this is impossible. Now, for those of you who were disappointed that we hadn't yet gotten a pun on the word "ice" as a slang term for "diamonds", Batman tells Robin to "get the ice. I'll get the iceman." You know, these never get old.

We cut to one of the hockey henchmen using his stick to move the diamond along the ice just like a puck. Of course, if he just picked the damn thing up, there would be a far lower chance of Robin coming along and snatching it away. But I guess that would just make too much sense.

Robin swoops in with his newly acquired hockey stick and checks a few henchmen to get control of the diamond. Meanwhile, Freeze is still beating up random security guards and hurling them in impossible trajectories.

For a real topper, he spots his Ice Cannon on top of that Buddha head and decides to employ the same technique as when you toss a shoe up to get your basketball out of a tree. He literally throws a guard straight up towards the roof, and the guard knocks the gun off the statue. Naturally, it falls right back in Freeze's arms.

There's some more dumb hockey game-like antics as we cut back and forth between Batman and Robin both sparring with henchmen. Robin gets hold of the diamond and stupidly takes a second to stop, look at it, and say "Sweet!" He then skates over to Batman and adds to the unbelievably clever repartee: "I got mine. Where's yours?"

Finally, Freeze gets bored with beating up on redshirt security guards and calls out to Batman and Robin, "What killed the dinosaurs?" Oh, no. Given how much this movie has perverted all concepts of physics, I really don't want to see what it's about to do with history. Sure enough, Freeze tells them that it was "The Ice Age!" Ordinarily, I'd list everything factually incorrect about this statement, but at this point, I think that would just be cruel. Plus, I've still got a whole buttload of really dumb stuff to cover.

Anyway, this stupid Ice Age pun was inserted so that Freeze can now fire his Ice Cannon at the dinosaur statue. (In turn, this means that the stupid Ice Age pun is the sole reason that there's a dinosaur in an art museum.) The frozen dinosaur begins to crack and fall apart, forcing Batman and Robin to skate away as quickly as possible. Of course, it's not like Freeze could have just aimed his Ice Cannon directly at Batman and Robin if he wanted to get rid of them. No, that would have been much too easy. And not stupid enough.

One of the henchmen rams into Robin, knocking him silly and sending the diamond flying. The henchmen then start passing it back and forth, continuing that fabulous hockey game impression that everyone loved so much. Dammit, just pick the thing up already!

Upon witnessing this, Robin takes a spear off a statue [?]. Do most stone statues come with detachable parts? He decides to use the spear as a javelin, revealing that it's really a magical spear that allows him to defy gravity and launch himself over all the henchmen. Nice stunt, no? Unfortunately, there was no reason for it, other than somebody thought a javelin stunt would look "cool".

Finally, a henchman uses his stick to somehow knock the diamond directly into Freeze's hand. Freeze gets into his vehicle, called the "Freezemobile" (but only in the production notes on the DVD), which looks like a big silver PT Cruiser with tank tires and huge spikes sticking out the front. Meanwhile, Batman is still fighting random henchmen to kill some time.

Freeze rolls forward and opens up the roof of the Freezemobile, revealing a big dildo-looking rocket that he'll use to make his getaway. This prompts Batman to hook a Bat Rope around a ceiling girder and lower himself down into the rocket. Somehow, Freeze is already inside, and he unsurprisingly quips about how glad he is that Batman could "drop in!"

Freeze knocks Batman out and steps on a foot pedal [?] to start the rocket, which apparently must mean it's been built out of leftover parts from a sewing machine. Robin sees the rocket and leaps forward while once again clearly suspended by wires. He lands on the outside of the rocket, but can't get a firm grasp, so he uses a couple of Robin Magnets to affix himself. Yep, Robin is now desperately hanging onto the side of a giant phallic symbol. Really, who needs the Ambiguously Gay Duo when there's just as much innuendo in the real thing?

The big dildo launches and is soon high above Gotham City with Robin still stuck to the outside. Inside, Batman regains consciousness and tries to get to Freeze, but Freeze kicks him in the head and aims the Ice Cannon at him. For some reason, this thing is suddenly as surgical as a laser. Instead of completely freezing him in a block of ice, it just freezes Batman's wrists to the side of the rocket with a pair of ice manacles. It's good to see they're keeping the behavior of this weapon consistent so early in the film.

Freeze points to the rocket's altimeter and tells Batman that the numbers are "the harbinger of your doom!" I don't know whose idea it was to have Arnie say "harbinger", but I hope that person is homeless now. Freeze tells Batman to prepare for the "icy cold of space" and floats the dubious notion that "At thirty thousand feet, your heart will freeze!" Then he feels compelled to add, "And beat no more!" Hey, thanks for pointing that last part out.

Anyway, blah blah blah, Freeze has got Batman in one of those preposterous Rube Goldberg-type traps that villains used to set for Batman on the old TV show, which would invariably prompt the announcement to tune in at the "same Bat Time" tomorrow. Remarkably, there's even less suspense here about whether or not Batman will escape.

Outside, Robin is still trying to climb up the dildo with his Robin Magnets. Meanwhile, Freeze decides to give Batman more time to escape by continuing to explain what will happen to him: "Once you're frozen, your icy tomb will plummet back to Gotham!" Batman replies that this will "slaughter thousands!" Freeze just laughs at this, since he's evil and everything. Then he puts on some goofy Mr. Magoo-like goggles, which don't exactly do much to ratchet up the "evil quotient" on this character. Finally, he blows out the hatch on the rocket and flies out.


Image


"The goggles! They do nothing!"


Freeze drops for a little while, then pulls a switch on his suit that opens up butterfly-like wings on his back. These were probably supposed to look "cool", but not only do they not look cool, they're not even slightly realistic as a flying device. They might as well have just had Freeze hold two tiny feathers in each hand and flap his arms to make himself fly.

Robin eventually pulls himself inside the rocket and explains to Batman that he was "just hanging around!" Because I guess simply freezing in the dead of space wouldn't have been painful enough for Batman. After some dumb repartee that isn't worth going into, Robin uses his Robin Laser to melt Batman's ice shackles. Batman then pulls out something that is, according to Robin, a "Bat Bomb!" Batman explains to him that they have to blow up the rocket so that it won't "turn Gotham into a crater!" Robin asks how they're going to escape from the rocket, "call a taxi?" No, but I think Chris O'Donnell is currently driving one.

Batman reaches for the emergency hatch switch and tells Robin to "Watch out for the first step!" Robin cries out "Surf's up!" as Batman blows out two hatches, with Batman flying out of one and Robin flying out of the other. Okay, if this rocket was really only meant for Freeze to make his getaway, why would there be three escape hatches on it? Even stranger, the hatch doors are each made up of three segments, with the outer two segments collapsing away to leave a section that happens to be the same size as a boogie board.

You guessed it, this was all to set up an "ultra-kewl" sequence where Batman and Robin sky-surf on these boards away from the exploding dildo. Obviously, this part was put in so the Warner Brothers promotional department could have something "awesome" to stick it in the trailer and the TV spots. I guess even they realized that "Two solid hours of puns!" wouldn't exactly be a strong selling point.


Duuu-uu-de! Batman makes me wanna Do the Dew!


Batman and Robin then start to actually catch up [?] with Freeze even though he jumped out of the rocket several minutes before they did. At the same time, there are huge chunks of flaming dildo debris raining down on Gotham in the background. You'd think this would kill at least a couple of people, but conveniently for Batman, nothing is ever made of this.

Batman jumps off his boogie board and lands right on Mr. Freeze's back, allowing us to see that on the way down, Freeze was just holding the diamond in his hand [!]. Naturally, when Batman lands on him, this sends the diamond flying off. One guess who just happens to catch it.

Robin gleefully looks at the jewel for a while until he realizes he's about to land right on top of a really pointy skyscraper. He somehow manages to surf down the sloped roof of the building, knocking off CGI shingles along the way. He then begins to plummet to the street, shouting out "Kowabunga!" as he does some more "extreme" sky-surfing moves.

Meanwhile, Batman and Freeze are tussling in the air as they continue hurtling to the ground. Freeze decides to detach his wings, which gets Batman off his back. To slow his fall, Freeze fires his Ice Cannon down into a big smokestack-like furnace, causing a big pile of snow [?] to appear beneath him. Are there also "hail" and "slush" settings on this thing?

Freeze gets to the bottom of the furnace and makes his way through some snowy corridors. Batman and Robin eventually land on the big pile of snow and follow, revealing that there's practically a blizzard in there.

Batman catches up to Freeze, but Freeze uses the tricky tactic of "closing the door behind him" to knock Batman for a loop. While Batman catches his breath, Robin goes after Freeze instead. Batman cries out, "Robin, no!" just as Freeze finally does what he could have done about twenty times over in the last five minutes: He fires his Ice Cannon at Robin and freezes him solid.

Freeze walks forward and amazingly finds the diamond still in Robin's hand [!]. He grabs it, telling the Robin-sicle to "Stay cool, bird boy!" Batman runs up just as Freeze's spiky PT Cruiser crashes through a brick wall. I guess this is Freeze's henchmen coming to pick him up, but how they knew where he was going to land is anybody's guess.

Freeze tells Batman that he has "eleven minutes" to save Robin. Where did he come up with this figure? Robin's already frozen solid, so what happens in eleven minutes that could possibly be any worse? Anyway, this introduces the classic "you can catch the villain, or you can save your friend and/or girlfriend, but you can't do both" dilemma that was already a musty cliché back before the advent of talkies.

Naturally, Batman elects to save Robin, but first, he just stands there for half a minute as Freeze walks through the gaping hole in the brick wall and uses his Ice Cannon to close it behind him. Finally, Batman gets down to business, picking up the Robin-sicle and dropping him into a convenient reservoir of water. He then uses his Bat Laser to heat the water up, and it begins glowing a bright crimson red [!]. Go boil a pot of water on your stove and let me know if it turns this color.

After some shots of Robin underwater having transformed into a blatantly obvious mannequin, he comes to the surface, completely thawed and moving around normally. That's right. No hypothermia, no frostbite, no nothing. Robin wants to know if they got Freeze and Batman just gives him the Grumpy Look as he shakes his head.


Actually, this qualifies as Chris O'Donnell's Oscar Clip Moment.

Woodrue's lips turn black and he starts choking. Isley then feels the need to further explain that "I'm poison." Not poisonous, mind you. Poison. Woodrue keels over dead, and Isley pronounces that "It's a jungle in here!" Why? Because she's into plants and she really loves plant puns, of course. Why do you ask?

Then she starts smashing random beakers and pronouncing herself to be "Nature's arm! Her spirit, her will. Hell, I am Mother Nature!" She then describes to no one in particular her plan to use plants to take over the world, because, according to her, "It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature!" Yeah, that's what people keep trying to tell Michael Jackson, but he never listens.

She splashes around some pink liquid and tosses a kerosene lamp to the ground, resulting in a huge fire. She's about to throw a beaker on the fire, when suddenly she stops and notices a big Wayne Enterprises logo on the beaker. She's really quite enthralled with it. If Isley was working in this same laboratory all along, why wouldn't she have noticed this before?

Bane emerges from... well, somewhere, doing the raising fists and roaring bit. For no particular reason, Isley decides Bane will now become her man-servant, and Bane seems happy to go along with this. None of this is actually said, by the way. Isley just starts abruptly barking orders to him. She shows him the Wayne Enterprises beaker and tells him they've "got a plane to catch!" and the two leave the flaming laboratory. So, I guess she's really curious about whoever manufactured that beaker.


"Rah! I'm a mon-stah! Rah!"


We then cut to an abandoned ice cream factory with a really freaky snowman face on the front, which unsurprisingly turns out be Mr. Freeze's hideout. (And you're telling me the police still can't find him?) Inside, an icicle-covered TV set is screening the Rankin-Bass stop-motion cartoon The Year Without a Santa Claus. Basically, this is just an excuse to show the Snow Miser dancing around and singing, because his song is really appropriate to Freeze's character. You see, he's Mr. Freeze, so he likes cold things.

We see Freeze quite enthusiastically getting into the song, and he dances around while wearing white fuzzy polar bear slippers and a robe with a polar bear design. Because he likes cold things. A lot. Did you get that yet?

He stands and waves his arms back and forth, trying to lead all of his Eskimo henchmen in a singalong with the Snow Miser. While he does this, they all shiver and lick at TV dinners that are still frozen solid [?]. They limply mouth the words as, off on the side, Ms. B. Haven (played by Vivica A. Fox in a white feather boa and little else) dances and sings along. (By the way, I'm just going by the closing credits on the name of her character, because it's never said. Obviously, Vivica had a bigger part in the script, but by the time the film hit theaters it was cut down to just this one scene.)

Freeze gets frustrated with his henchman chorus, so he storms off. Ms. B. Haven (which I think is also the name of a recording artist on P. Diddy's label) follows right behind him, telling him that she's "feeling hot" and that he's "the most perfect man I've ever known!" Apparently, this means she was raised on Paradise Island and Freeze is the first man she's ever known.

Ms. B. Haven asks if they can "heat things up", but Freeze says his "passion thaws for my bride alone!" Ms. B. calls this "the cold shoulder". (Folks, I don't know how much longer I can keep taking note of all these stupid "cold" puns.) Rejected, she walks off, making me wonder why Freeze even keeps her around in the first place.

He calls over one of his henchmen, who's cleverly named "Frosty". Frosty actually says, "Yeah, Boss?" as he walks up. Freeze goes to his desk or something to grab a handful of small diamonds to load into his cryo-suit. He says the battle with Batman "exhausted my power!" Wow, him too?

However, he points out that he was still successful in getting the big unnamed diamond, which he lifts up and admires. Frosty helpfully tells him, "Absolutely, Boss!" Why did Freeze call this guy over, again? Oh yeah, he needed someone to deliver exposition to.

Freeze explains that he has to get one more big diamond so that his "freezing engine will be complete!" He goes into a walk-in freezer, and Frosty helpfully follows so that Freeze can continue his exposition. He says, "I will freeze the city! Then I will hold Gotham ransom!" Yes, in that order. He says the city must meet his demands or it will be "winter forever!" You mean, sorta like Manitoba?

He continues spouting off raw exposition, saying that he'll make these demands of the "city fathers", whoever they are, so that they give him "the billions I need to complete my research!" Then he makes it clear that he's doing all this to "find a cure" for his ill wife. So, apparently, this whole villainous scheme came about because Freeze couldn't get a research grant.

Now that all of the exposition is done, he tells Frosty to beat it and Frosty says, "Sure, Boss!" You know, the use of a henchman as an expository device has suddenly made me nostalgic for the brilliant tape recorder method of a few scenes back.

Freeze pulls aside a TV dinner, revealing a glowing blue button. He says to no one in particular that "We need quality time!" as he punches the button, revealing a secret chamber where his catatonic wife (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) is floating in a tank of bubbling water.

He stands at the tank and promises his mannequin wife that they will be together "soon". Then he leaves. Yes, that really was "quality time". No, seriously. It was. Any second in this movie where nobody's making stupid puns is "quality time" in my eyes.

The next day outside Wayne Manor, we see a chubby blonde chick in a school uniform ring the front doorbell. Bruce calls for Alfred, but he's conveniently not around, so Dick goes to answer it instead. Alfred suddenly emerges and apologizes for dozing off, but Bruce brushes it off and says that this is "the first time it's happened in thirty years!" I know this is supposed to make Alfred look really dedicated, but what Bruce doesn't mention is that up until thirty years ago Alfred was a total slacker who snoozed around the clock.

The chubby blonde chick at the door grows impatient, so she decides to climb up on a stone bench and peer over the door frame. This contrived action was clearly put in so that Dick could get a direct, supposedly titillating view of her chubby gams when he opens the front door. As the camera does a slow pan up her body, we find out that the part of Chubby Blonde Chick is being played by a chubby Alicia Silverstone.

Dick eagerly says, "Please be looking for me!" (which is a bit of dialogue that would have made much more sense during her Aerosmith video days), but she's actually looking for Alfred. She spots him and calls out "Uncle Alfred!" and goes running inside. She turns out to be his niece Barbara, and Alfred is ecstatic that she's come to visit, even though she came all the way from England without providing any prior notice whatsoever.

We next find the four of them all walking in the garden so we can get some more exposition. It turns out that Barbara is the daughter of Alfred's sister Margaret, and that both of her parents were killed in a car crash. Alfred says he's been supporting her ever since, much to the surprise of Bruce and Dick. He's been paying for her tuition to "Oxbridge Academy" (cough), where she's been studying computer science (cough). Yeah, she and Christmas Jones must be classmates.

Barbara notices Dick's motorcycle (a normal one, not Redbird) and he offers to teach her how to ride. She giggles and claims to be "terrified of these things", which will be "humorously ironic" later on when we find out the truth about her. Of course, nowhere in all this exposition did they find time to explain why Barbara doesn't have an English accent, despite the fact that Alfred has one and Barbara was even going to school in England. Whoops, there I go again, actually thinking about stuff.

Bruce then invites Barbara to come stay with them and she accepts. Yep, it's just that easy. Alfred obliquely brings up the whole Batman thing, saying "Ut-whay about the Atcave-bay", or words to that effect, but Bruce simply says "she's family" and that's that.

Later that night, we find Alfred at a computer, using your standard Hollywood mockup of a web browser to watch video of somebody riding an elephant. (He must be using the Bat DSL line to download this.) Barbara comes in, dressed for bed in a robe that's suspiciously wrapped very tightly around her. She asks what he's doing and Alfred says he's trying to find his brother Wilfred, who's butler to some high muckety-muck in India. Since he's part of a "floating court", he's hard to track down. Barbara, momentarily lapsing back into the character of Cher from Clueless says, "I don't suppose they have fax machines on elephants!"


Look, Alfred, you can watch Jungle Hell on your own time, okay?


Alfred gives her a pity laugh and says that "When one grows ancient [?], one yearns for family." Then they both spontaneously decide to look over at an old black and white photo on Alfred's desk signed, "Love, Peg". It's a picture of his sister Margaret. Barbara says she has a copy, too, but wonders about the "Peg" signature. Alfred explains that Peg was his nickname for her. Okay, how do you get "Peg" out of "Margaret"? Must be a British thing. Anyway, they bid each other goodnight and get all kissy-kissy, huggy-huggy and Barbara walks out.

As soon as she's out in the corridor, Barbara undoes her tightly-wrapped robe and reveals that she's wearing street clothes underneath. Wow! I am surprised! Or, I would be surprised, if I'd had a lobotomy recently.

We then see her slip on a leather jacket, which instantly establishes her tough girl street creds. Tough Girl goes into her bedroom and trots out another cliché that's at least as old as dirt when she lowers a rope of tied-together bed sheets [!] out of her window. Geez. Why don't we just start using curtain wipes while we're at it?

Anyway, Tough Girl and her motorcycle helmet climb down the rope. She then does the old "don't start up the vehicle until you're out of earshot" trick as she silently rolls a motorcycle out of the Wayne Manor garage.
Cut to daylight on the streets of Gotham City, where a red limo rolls into view. A radio report in the background informs us that Bruce Wayne is about to make an appearance at the Gotham Observatory to announce "another legendary contribution to the city!" We then cut to the back seat of the limo and find Pamela Isley slipping on a short brown wig to get back into Plain Chick mode. She tells her chauffeur, who turns out to be Bane, to head to the observatory and "step on it!" Bane growls, "Steppp." I do believe that he's a member of this movie's target audience.

We next see Gotham Observatory, and continuing the tradition of impossible architecture we've come to expect from Batman movies, the observatory is actually being held up in the hands of a giant statue [!]. Inside, Bruce is announcing to a group of reporters the donation of a new advanced telescope to the observatory.

He recites a lame story about his father once telling him to follow his own star, blah blah blah, and standing at his side (for not much purpose other than set dressing) is Elle Macpherson in the role of Julie Madison. "With any luck," Bruce says, "This telescope will give future generations a chance to follow their own stars!" And with any luck, this telescope will give a would-be screenwriter a chance to make up his own deus ex machina.

At Bruce's other side is a really old-fashioned gossip reporter, obviously based on Louella Parsons, who goes by the name of "Gossip Gertie". She calls him "Brucey" and asks, "Is it true this telescope can see all around the globe?" He confirms this, and turns things over to two generic scientists in white lab coats.

They explain that satellites positioned all around the planet can bounce light off each other and reflect it back to Gotham, allowing the telescope to provide a view of the sky from anywhere on earth. Amazing! I guess astronomers will no longer have to wait for the damn earth to spin around on its axis to see things on the other side. What's that take, a whole 24 hours?

Bruce quips, "Just don't point it at my bedroom!" Brucey, you're a single man living alone with a hunky young guy. I wouldn't be making jokes like this if I were you. Pamela Isley, now in her Plain Chick disguise, slowly creeps into the observatory just as Gossip Gertie is asking the on-topic question of whether or not Bruce and Julie Madison have plans to get married.

Bruce becomes "comically" flustered, literally saying, "Marriage? Uh, marriage? Uh, marriage?" (These are the jokes, people.) Julie eventually bails him out, replying that she and Bruce are "recklessly in love", whatever that means, and that's enough for now. I mean, what more could you want? Dangerously in love? Psychotically in love? Homicidally in love?

Suddenly, we see several security guards trying to stop Pamela Isley from approaching Bruce. She calls one of them a "fascist bulldog", and he replies that if she wants to talk to Bruce Wayne, she needs "an appointment" [?]. Bruce waves off the goons and Isley introduces herself, saying she worked for his "arboreal preservation project in South America." Bruce recalls the project, but he no longer funds it because of a "conflict of ideologies. Dr. Woodrue was a lunatic!"

Isley then hands him a bound report explaining what Wayne Enterprises can do to "cease all actions that toxify our environment!" She then gives your standard wacko extremist tree-hugging spiel that I'd rather forget about, having gotten the same pitch myself from Equinox multi-level marketers once or twice in my life.


Well, first they can start by not letting Joel Schumacher direct any more movies.


For some reason, all of the gathered reporters are drawn to this idiotic tirade and begin pointing microphones her way. Bruce examines the report and declares that it calls for measures that would ultimately kill "millions of people". Come again? Are we really expected to believe that Wayne Enterprises is responsible for the lives of millions of people? If so, then why the hell does Bruce even bother fighting crime in the first place? It seems he could do more by getting a good night's sleep and running his company proficiently than he ever could do as Batman.

Isley calls these millions of deaths "acceptable losses in the battle to save the planet!" (Something tells me she would get along great with Nick Van Owen.) Bruce condescendingly tells her that "People come first," and hands the report back to her. Isley then turns to the reporters and delivers a pro-plant diatribe, basically promising that plants will rise up and reclaim the earth. In response, the gathered crowd bursts out into raucous laughter. Yeah, I know it's pretty dumb, but you'd think these professional journalists would at least save the patronizing laughter until after she's left the room.

Gossip Gertie butts in, telling Isley that "You must be new in town! In Gotham City, Batman and Robin protect us! Even from plants and flowers!" Oh, brother. Where to even start? Batman and Robin "protect us"? Like they're civil servants or something? Aren't we basically talking about two disguised vigilantes who work out of a secret cave? Sure, they help the police out from time to time, but clearly they're not beholden to the law. At the very least, they're not even obligated to tell anybody before they take off on, say, a six-month vacation. Here's hoping they'll start on that vacation the same day that Gossip Gertie becomes the plants' first victim.

Anyway, this comment prompts more hoots and laughter, so Bruce hands Isley an invitation to meet Batman and Robin [?]. Apparently, they're going to help auction off a prized diamond to "raise money for our botanical gardens." She opens the invitation, revealing that it's for a "Save the Rainforest Costume Ball" with "Special Guests - Batman and Robin". Are the people of Gotham really buying this? Couldn't you just put any two chumps in costumes and tell everybody it's Batman and Robin? I mean, with those suits, the two guys don't even have to be in shape.

Bruce calls the press conference to a close and Isley wanders off. She puts on her creepy anti-sexy voice and says, "Batman and Robin! Militant arm of the warm-blooded oppressors!" She then promises to do away with the "fur and feathered pests", and I think the "fur" part refers to George Clooney's body hair. She says that once she's gotten rid of them, "Gotham will be mine for the greening!" And this script will be ours for the groaning.

We cut to Mr. Freeze watching his wedding video on the icicle encased TV set, and of course his bride looks joyous and beautiful. (In a subtle casting choice, she's being played by supermodel Vendela.) And yes, the whole "watching wedding film/video to remind you of happier times" is yet another story device that's been around since the beginning of time.

Suddenly, Frosty runs in (referring to Freeze as "Chief" for some reason instead of "Boss") to show him a newspaper headline. Freeze, however, is annoyed by the interruption, so he picks up his Ice Cannon and turns the guy into a Goonsicle. Freeze says, "I hate when people talk during the movie!" Yes, silence is golden, but these jokes are not.

In the video, Fries the bridegroom puts a snowflake-shaped pendant around his new bride's neck. So, even back then, he had some kind of cold fetish? Whatever. Mr. Freeze tells his wife's video image that all he needs is "one more diamond" to save her, in case you forgot that in the ten minutes since the last time he explained it. Then he goes over to his frozen thug and examines the newspaper he's holding. (As he does this, I can't help but notice that Frosty is wearing a skull-shaped codpiece just like Poofy Hair Guy in Never Too Young to Die! So they really do shop at the same store!)

Strangely, the headline is that "Bruce Wayne Loans Diamonds to Flower Ball", and it's at the top of the front page [!!]. Talk about a slow news day! Freeze sees this headline and decides to take the bait. Or rather, in Arnie-Speak: "Veddy niiiyce..."


And you can read more about that superpowered killer on the loose in our Arts and Leisure section!


You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

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Post by ShyViolet » March 15th, 2007, 3:22 am

Nah - the biggest villain was Raz. Scarecrow just served as his pawn.
Yeah, but that's my problem. Scarecrow isn't supposed to be anyone's "pawn". He is a super-villain for crying out loud. OK, so he's young in the film, but I doubt he'd just latch onto someone like that. He'd have his own scheme in mind!! :)

I still think Murphy was brilliant and would jump for joy if he returned for the sequel. :) :)


Image


Image


Yes, there is a resemblance. :wink: If I could find a picture of her without her mask, it would be even clearer. Especially when she says goodnight to Alfred. :)

Actually, despite not being very good here or looking much like Batgirl, (not all her fault) Alicia was very beautiful for a long time and still is, I think she even has a movie coming out soon. :)
You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

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Post by Ben » March 15th, 2007, 7:55 am

Those quotes were looooong...! I just scanned them.

On the DVD the commentary makes it clear the director was bascially tolde to make a toy commercial and apologises for the movie. It's very frank and honest.

Alicia...yes, when she says goodnight to Alfred...that is the Cabbagepatch moment, but as Bats she did have amazing hair. I think I was more transfixed by her hair in that part than her. :)

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Post by ShyViolet » March 15th, 2007, 8:23 am

On the DVD the commentary makes it clear the director was bascially tolde to make a toy commercial and apologises for the movie. It's very frank and honest.
I'll have to get that Batman DVD package soon! :)

I'm kind of sorry for Schumacker....I mean people think of him as "The guy who screwed up Batman" while he DID make at least one pretty decent, or at least halfway decent, Batman film.

I mean look at Bryan Singer, he really screwed up a superhero, and Superman, the BIGGEST superhero there is. :wink: And no one "made" him do it, he had all the time, money and resources he needed. He could have made an amazing film if he wanted to, or at least a darned enjoyable one, but....:roll:

And yet he's gotten virtually no flack from anyone.....pretty unfair if you think about it. :(
You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

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Post by Meg » March 15th, 2007, 4:11 pm

True - I mean, Shumaker's Bat films are totally stupid but at least they're fun.

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Post by Jeroen » March 15th, 2007, 4:23 pm

But burtons batman was also great fun in my opinion.

Its true like Ben said, with batman and robin Joel Shumacher was forced ( in his own words ) to make it more "toy-ettic".

Forever was okay, my biggest problem with that movie was that tommy lee jones should have played it a little less crazy.
It didnt fit the character and The Riddler alone was crazy enough for one movie.
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Post by ShyViolet » March 15th, 2007, 5:48 pm

Is there a commentary track on Superman Returns?
You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

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Post by Jeroen » March 15th, 2007, 5:54 pm

No commentary track on SR Vi

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